ACCOUNTANT BY DAY

This is really a post that I should have saved for December and Christmastime, even though it’s on the humbug side, but I thought of it in October so I’m writing about it in October.  The thing that made me think of all this was that the accounts payable lady who used to have waist length hair came in yesterday with chin length hair and reported that she had donated it over the weekend so that cancer children don’t have to go around looking like unusually young neo-Nazis.  
Anyway, this reminded me of the O. Henry story ”Gift of the Magi“, which I haven’t read in a long time.  This is probably something you’ve read at one time or another back in school, as it’s a short story with a very clear message, which is something that most schoolteachers love.  

But in case you haven’t read it and don’t care to check out the link to the full text, it is set in the early 20th century.  It is about a poor husband and wife who don’t have any money to give the other anything for Christmas, but oh, they do love each other dearly.  They own almost nothing and live on a pittance, but the husband has an heirloom pocketwatch that has been passed down through the family, and the wife is very beautiful and has extremely lush, glossy hair.  Think like an Herbal Essences TV ad only with less orgasms, because it was 1905 and women were only allowed to get orgasms from a licensed medical practitioner and especially not from a shampoo.  

Anyway, they both go off secretly to get the other one something for Christmas.  The wife has her hair cut off to sell and she uses the $20 a buy a nice chain for her husband’s watch, since it’s his most prized possession and has come down through the family.  Predictably, since you can figure out early on it’s that sort of story, the husband pawns his watch and buys the wife a beautiful hair ornament.  Of course, when the husband comes home and sees her hair the truth about everything comes out and they realize it all.   

Now what I think is interesting is how the story is interpreted.  Most people interpret it as a beautiful story with a strong message of selflessness because each of them gave up the thing they valued most in order to add to the thing the other valued most.  I guess it’s supposed to be lovely that they made this sacrifice and put the other person before themselves.  This story gets told a lot at Christmastime and stuff for this reason.  Well, that and it’s a Christmas story.  

But I have never been able to look at it that way.  Even when I was a kid, this story always bothered me because of the futility I felt about the whole situation.  Instead of thinking about how beautiful it was that they made these sacrifices, I found the couple foolish and their actions kind of needlessly idiotic.  I know it’s supposed to seem romantic and to teach us a lesson, but the whole thing just annoyed me awfully.  

I thought, if they had just talked to each other or agreed on what they would do they would not have ended up with two gifts that were not worth a crap in the end.  This lack of resolution used to really bother me as a kid.  The story felt incomplete.  I wanted the characters to decide they’d go return the hair clip and get the watch back.  I mean, for godsake the thing was a family heirloom or whatever.  Irreplaceable.  What a waste.  I guess this is an example of why I feel communication is the most important thing in a relationship, rather than self sacrifice.  I guess this is also an example of why I hate surprises. 

Anyway, stuff like that is why my husband and I don’t do gifts.  We’re not romantic at all and it seems silly anyway when we both have money and basically spend it as we please.  No one knows more what you like than you, after all.  And if we can afford something we want, we get it.  If we can’t, we certainly wouldn’t expect the other to get it.  That doesn’t seem too fair.  

The notable exception to this, of course, is the chicken calendar my husband purchases for me every year.  That’s a fourth-quarter tradition for us.  

If you like, tell me what you think about “Gift of the Magi”.  I’m curious to see if my perspective is considered extremely callous or what.