ACCOUNTANT BY DAY

Okay, so the economy is blowing up and soon we’ll be on a barter system again and the new depression is coming, and I really couldn’t give a shit less about any of that stuff because instead I am busy obsessing over how Sarah Palin is basically like the most regressive major candidate I have ever seen when it comes to women’s issues.  By obsessing I mean I hear about it on the radio sometimes and I skim Newsweek articles occasionally, and when this happens this I shake my head disapprovingly.  By women’s issues I mean our important right to kill our unborn children whom we are unfit to parent.  And other stuff.  By Sarah Palin I mean this person that the NPR people suddenly began shitting themselves over a few weeks ago.  Not without good reason.

“Not that I’ve taken the time or effort to adequately inform myself,” I complained to my husband, “but Sarah Palin is basically like the most regressive major candidate I have ever seen when it comes to women’s issues.”

“I know,” he said, grinning.  “Just think, this time next year you won’t be allowed to vote anymore!”

This is the man who read that first really big Newsweek spread about her, saw that she had some big dead dumb animal in her place, and announced that “if I were a voter” he would vote for her on that basis.  Ugggh.

If he were a voter.  I am actually kind of starting to feel the same way, although I think he only says stuff like that to make me freak out at him.  I feel like the responsible thing is to vote, but really, I cannot relate to either party enough to want to vote for them.  I have issues with both sides.  Basically, it feels like I’m choosing between voting for a nanny-state and voting for a morally-legislated theocracy.  So as it always does, this thing has pretty much diminished to a mere spectator sport for me.  I think voting for either side would be feel irresponsible when I don’t really think either has my best interests at heart as I see them.

Why isn’t there some kind of middle ground?  Why do both parties seem like exactly half a retard to me?

Last week we got these two things in the mail from Pat Roberts, who by the way when I went to vote in the Republican primary last time was the only conservative candidate running for his seat and I still abstained from voting for that motherfucker.  And the front of this flyer thing basically said something on the front like “Republicans ONLY, LOL!”  And then you open it up (I always open even obvious junk mail because I once ruined a shredder when I didn’t realize there was a magnet or something inside an envelope) and you see that it is two applications for absentee voting.

So, what, are these idiots sitting around coming up with ideas for their flyer and going, “How can we encourage some otherwise abstaining Republican voters to vote absentee, yet at the same time discourage Democrats by implying heavily that they aren’t allowed to?”

I mean, this is the guy whose Senate site says, “I believe it is wrong for a select minority to impose their definition of marriage on the nation.”  Uh, the fuck are you talking about, dude?  Letting somebody else have the same rights you straights have enjoyed since the dawn of time somehow imposes on your own rights?

Anyway, even though I despise my party, I thought the idea of voting absentee sounded pretty terrific.  And because I’m so super mature, after I filled out the applications for my husband and me, I took a pen and marked an “x” across the big smiling picture of that fascist right-wing stooge Pat Roberts. Then I put a “Vintage Black Cinema” stamp on each application, which I felt was highly appropriate because based on his above comment I suspect that in his heart Pat Roberts secretly discriminates against everyone who is not just like him.  And Duke Ellington is basically as far from Pat Roberts as you can get.  My husband got Black and Tan and I got Prinsesse Tam-Tam.

Fuck you, politicians!