ACCOUNTANT BY DAY

This morning as I drove to my Weight Watchers meeting, I passed a turtle on the interstate who was slowly crawling toward the center median. I looked in my mirror and saw that other cars were behind me. It would have been ludicrous to think I could save a turtle from four lanes of interstate with people driving 70-80 miles per hour. So I kept driving and thought about how the turtle had no idea that when he got to the median, if he got to the median, he would have to find a way through it, and then have to cross four more lanes on the other side. Was it really worth it? What did he think would be so great on the other side?

I felt that the turtle’s prognosis was basically like a person who has been diagnosed with pancreatic cancer. There is a small chance he could make it, but the odds frankly aren’t good. Unfortunately, unlike with people, you can’t talk to a turtle about how he should prepare himself.

I was shocked to get to the meeting and find that I only gained a fifth of a pound. I’ve had bigger gains than that when I was actually trying a little bit. I don’t understand how I can not have gained when I’ve been feeling so fat. My clothes feel tighter, anyway. I feel like I’ve been given something free.