Oh, Yes, That Baby!
- Posted by Melissa on May 6th, 2008 filed in daily life, work
Last week I was walking down the hall to the restroom and I ran into this lady from another department. We smiled at each other as we passed, and she stopped and turned. “Hey, you had your baby!” she said. “You look terrific!”
“Oh,” I said, confused. “Thanks! But, I mean, I don’t have any children.”
She looked extremely embarrassed. I would have been, too.
“Are you sure?” she said, then stopped. “God, yes, of course you’re sure.” She began to back away. “I’m so sorry. I’m really sorry. I’m really so sorry,” she repeated.
I laughed and told her it was okay, there are plenty of other people my relative size and height around, and since we don’t know each other, it was understandable. She smiled awkwardly and fled.
Hey, at least I got mistaken for someone who used to be pregnant!
May 7th, 2008 at 1:02 am
So, when I have more time, I will relate the story of running into a dude who TOTALLY wanted to get with me years ago when I was about 230 lbs while he was selling personal shavers at a sex toy show.
It’s fairly awesome.
May 7th, 2008 at 6:27 am
Oh my god, I can’t wait for this story.
May 7th, 2008 at 10:29 pm
People always tend to be ultra-embarrassed when they guess incorrectly about stuff like that. But yeah, usually it’s because they think the person is pregnant when they’re really not! So you must be doing okay. :)
May 8th, 2008 at 5:27 pm
Oh yes, it’s much nicer to be mistaken for “used to be pregnant”!
May 9th, 2008 at 6:24 pm
Okay, so I work in Emergency Services dispatch, which is 12 hour shifts, 2 days/2 nights. I was coming off my last night shift that block and it was the last day of the “Taboo” trade show downtown, which is this annual sex toy/naughty stuff show her.
I decided to just stay up and take the bus down to the show and walk around. So I do, and I wind up getting in free cause this dude is handing out tickets on the concourse. So that’s nice.
I’m walking around looking at the booths, and watching the belly dancing and pole dancing demos on the stage. I buy some chocolate pasta and some lingerie and it’s cool…but it’s actually kinda boring. I’ve been there a while, the lack of sleep is hitting me. I decide to leave.
Just as a decide this, I turn my head and spot, directly across the little aisle, a booth selling “intimate personal shavers”. And I realise the bespectacled, suspender wearing dude in the very poorly chosen white muscle shirt (do not where a muscle shirt if a 5 yr old girl has more defined arms than you do) behind the booth is a guy I knew in University named –well, I’ll just call him P.
Now, P was always a little screwed up and he was WAAAAAYYY more into me than I was into him. We were pretty good friends actually, but he wanted to get with me and I thought he was not attractive physically or mentally. He got more and more screwed up thru university, became obssessed with women’s studies, became the most tedious kind of male feminist and one of those people that believe that text books tell you how to interact with people.
Then he got into S&M. And decided that anyone who WASN’T into S&M was a total prude and basically evil and out to stop freedom and puppies and hockey games. Add that to his total social awkwardness (I think he has mild Auspergers) and we had a falling out. Capped by two incidents: me throwing him out of my car in downtown because he got angry at me for not getting angry at him for going on a date (my comment was “What, are we fucking married and no one told me?”) and him putting clothes pins on his nipples IN THE MIDDLE OF A CROWDED RESTAURANT AT A TABLE WITH A LOT OF PEOPLE.
I heard about him from time to time over the next few years, even saw him once or twice. We were civil, even friendly, but I never made the mistake of getting to close for too long. During that time I got religi–ah, martial arts and lost about 70 pounds. Started dressing better, takeing care of my face and hair, wear makeup.
And here he is, selling stuff at a sex toy show. I’m torn now: “he was a good friend once” warred with “but he was always kinda of a loser”. I figured, Karma. Go and say hi. Be nice.
I walk over to him and he’s wearing a name tag…with a woman’s name on it. Still don’t know what was going on there. I smile and say “Hi P!” in a bright voice. He turns, squints at me … and starts to try to sell me a personal shaver.
I stare at him in something like awe, kinda open-mouthed at the sales pitch. A little way in, I interrupt: “P? P? Don’t you know who I am?”. He looks panicked now and starts trying to sell me harder on the shaver. But this glimmer of recognition is in his eyes.
“P? It’s L? Remember?”
HE FLIPS OUT. I thought he was going to go into seizure there on the floor of the show. He couldn’t believe it was me. Looking at a recent picture of myself, I realise why. My whole body changed, my face changed, I look like a different person. Leaner, harder, older. This is good I think.
But he was having a fit and I started to get this absolutely uncontrollable urge to fall about laughing. I made some hasty getaway comment and SPRINTED out of the hall. Outside, I collapsed against a planter and laughed so loud security came over to make sure I was okay.
Then I called everyone I knew and told them.
That’s my story.
May 9th, 2008 at 6:25 pm
The lack of sleep just made it all funnier.
May 9th, 2008 at 6:57 pm
Oh my god, great story. I would love to check the reactions of some of the people I used to know when I weighed a lot more, who didn’t know I slimmed down. Especially people who knew me at my heaviest.