ACCOUNTANT BY DAY

Today I got to work and I could tell my gamer coworker had been thinking about my wedding plans this weekend because she immediately started a conversation with me about the whole thing.  As soon as she figured out what we were talking about, the lady on the other side of the cube wall from me came over to chat.  I asked their opinion about whether an engagement ring was really necessary.  For some reason this has been bothering me, even though there are lots of other things I’d rather spend my money on.  “We spent a bundle on my ring,” said the lady on the other side of the wall.  “Waste of money!” she said cheerfully.  “The only thing good I got out of that relationship was my daughter!”

I confessed to them that I had been considering not getting an engagement ring at all and just sticking with a plain wedding band once we actually get married.  “I guess it’s just that I think, would I rather have a pretty ring, or something practical like a new stove or a sewing machine?  And what if I lost the ring?”

“Don’t bother,” said my gamer coworker.  “Just because something’s traditional doesn’t mean you have to do it, or that it even makes sense.”

My crafty friend told me something similar Saturday.  And this is basically what my boyfriend told me yesterday too, when I brought up the topic at lunch.  For some reason, I was concerned about the idea that things would be somehow not proper if I didn’t get some stupid diamond ring.  Or, as my coworker friend pointed out, that people wouldn’t realize I was married.  Not that it really matters, my boyfriend pointed out, since I don’t hang out in bars or get hit on.

“You know, some people would consider this tacky,” my gamer coworker said, “but if you aren’t picky, you could go to a pawn shop.  They sell bands and rings really cheap there.  You could get a really good deal.”

My first thought was that “The Pawn Shop Rings” sounded like a great name for a 1950s cover band.  My second thought was that getting a ring from a pawn shop was just about the greatest idea ever.  I even stopped by the Mission Pawn on my way home from work, just to have a look at their bands.   Then I told my boyfriend about it when I got home.  I think he wants to get a tungsten ring that will be heavy duty since he does manual labor all day, but that doesn’t mean I can’t get my own ring at the pawn shop.  There were some pretty milgrain bands there that are nicer than I’d want to buy new, but which are very reasonably priced.

“What if,” my boyfriend asked, “what if the ring you pick is cursed?”  He was kidding.

“What if it’s imbued with a magical spell that lets the wearer turn invisible, or comprehend languages?” I said.

“That’s just silly,” he scoffed.

I told him that was retarded, which it was.  He rebutted by citing Stephen King’s Needful Things as an example of the havoc that purchasing cursed items can yield.  Then this degenerated into a stupid discussion regarding what constituted a reputable source when making outrageous claims.  I felt that relying on Stephen King novels yet refusing to consider the second edition Dungeons & Dragons Dungeon Master’s Guide an acceptable source was completely unreasonable.  I told him we had something like a six in 100 chance of the thing turning out to be an extraordinary item.  Then I stopped to think about how my chosen source made me seem dorkier than the one he picked.

Observation 1:  Married life will be just like this, only we will wear jewelry on our left hands.

Observation 2:  Maybe I can hire the Pawn Shop Rings to play at the wedding.