ACCOUNTANT BY DAY

To add to the recent breakroom drama at work, someone has begun hanging indignant signs warning people to abstain from behaviors that they find offensive to the overall environment of the breakroom. One of them says, “If you move the coffee pot, turn on the burner!!” I agree with this sentiment, so I didn’t really object to it at all. I think it’s still hanging there. And in fact, since it’s still there, I have somewhat considered placing a similar notice on the metal contraptions that dispense paper toilet seat covers:

FACT: Your hands are dirtier than your butt.

So if you use one of these, use your filthy hands to remove this so that other people can put their (clean) butts on the seat without having to avoid the toilet stall all day lest they inadvertently touch something your disgusting hands might have grazed. Throw it away, then wash your grimy, miserable, germy mitts before you go back to take a shower with Germ-X. Or whatever it is you paradoxically germ-obsessive freaks do with your time.

Only, that is the fantasy version of what I would say. The real one would be more tactful. But I digress.

According to my gamer coworker, someone left a note on the freezer complaining about someone taking “all the ice” and basically threatening them with bad karma if they didn’t stop using “all the ice” before new ice had a chance to freeze. I put that in quotations because as my gamer coworker pointed out, when you have 7 ice cube trays that each hold 12 cubes, yielding 84 cubes meant to sustain over 100 people, “all the” ice cannot really be said to exist at all. She wrote a rebutting note explaining this basic math and basically telling the person that they were constitutionally fallible for not taking under consideration the fact that even if everyone took only one cube, there would still not be enough ice, and pointing out that this means it is really not valid to attribute the lack of ice to the fault of any one person. She posted this, and later, triumphantly reported that someone had removed both notes.

She declared victory over the unknown complainer, and announced her intent to purchase enough ice cube trays to fill the entire freezer. At which point, the problem will be that no one refills the ice cube trays and a different complaint will emerge.

This stuff never gets boring!