ACCOUNTANT BY DAY

I forgot about this before, but last week when we were driving from Fort Wayne to Lima, I saw this billboard on the edge of Lima that had a picture of a crying little girl. The message on the billboard said something like, “Every time you hit your wife, it teaches her a lesson.” When I saw this, I began laughing uncontrollably. I’m so incredibly regretful that I didn’t manage to snap a picture. I thought this thing was comedy gold. It was obvious from the picture that they really meant the message to be interpreted as, “Seeing their parents behave violently toward each other can teach your children that it’s OK to solve problems with violence and that is bad.”

But what it really sounds like is, “Spousal abuse solves marital problems because it keeps your wife from getting uppity.” I’m going to take that message to heart. Watch out, honey!

On another note, I was trying desperately to find a picture of this billboard somewhere on Google. I searched for “spousal abuse billboard” after trying unsuccessfully to call it up using snips of the text I could remember. This didn’t yield anything about billboards that you see by the side of the road, but it did call up articles about Rick Springfield, Tommy Lee and Terry Jacks. But as a person who received an “A” in statistics, I know that this doesn’t necessarily have to mean that there’s a real correlation between making the Billboard charts and beating up your supermodel wife. I’m halfway surprised Axl Rose wasn’t on the first page.