ACCOUNTANT BY DAY

Tonight when my boyfriend and I went out to the grocery store, we saw a dog by itself lying in the road. It was partly apparent from this that the animal was stupid and perhaps didn’t really deserve to be alive anyway, but because I’m a sucker my boyfriend stopped and I went over to the dog to try and figure out if it belonged to somebody. It had a collar on, so I approached the dog slowly and put my hands out to it. It raised its head and snarled at me. I stopped trying to go up to it and decided we should just get someone to pick it up.

When we got home from the grocery I called animal control, but nobody ever answered. My next door neighbor on the left works for Shawnee animal control and we were outside letting our dog poop when she came home last night. I went over to the fence and asked her for some advice. She came over and told me there was really not much I could do if the dog acted mean, and since Wyandotte isn’t open weekends and the cops won’t bother, I’d probably just have to hope for the best. She had on a tee shirt with a little picture of an owl that said, “Hoo’s Horny?” which I thought was interesting because she is probably 10 years older than me and before this I would not have pegged her as the type to go around wearing a shirt with a sexual message. It made me think maybe I had figured her all wrong and that maybe she was much more interesting than I’d ever thought.

I told my boyfriend about her shirt when we came inside. “I think she might be a closeted lesbian,” he said. “She has a female friend who comes over sometimes and stays very late.” He went on to explain that the female friend has a gold Pontiac and is often there on weekend nights when he has his last cigarette and is gone by the morning. Sometimes the neighbor is gone odd hours. I said I had noticed but I just thought she was working. “Animal control probably doesn’t have to work the night shift,” he said. I realized he was probably right. Do lesbians drive Pontiacs? I would have thought a Subaru.

I think my next door neighbor would be a nice lady to get to know, but maybe she is kind of a private person and I want to be respectful of that. If nothing else, I hope she can sense that I am very gay friendly and would never judge her negatively for her sexual orientation.