ACCOUNTANT BY DAY

You may recall that a while back I was complaining about how there is this guy in my class who takes every opportunity to slip religion into things. But over the past few weeks it’s become apparent that he’s definitely not alone. My coworker friend refers to people like this as the “God Squad”.

A couple weeks ago we turned in a paper my teacher had dubbed the “Star Colony” assignment. The assignment gave us a list of people with some information about them, and the scenario was that the earth was going to die or something, and we had found a place out in space where we could colonize, but we’d only be able to bring a certain number of people. So we were assigned to come up with a list of the most valuable characteristics we’d want to emphasize in being passed on to these new people who would keep the human race going.

And this one girl wrote (I’m paraphrasing):

The reason our society has so many problems is that not everyone is a good Christian with Christian values. Only good Christians can come to the Star Colony and it will eliminate all the problems we have now. No one will hurt anyone else or have sex before marriage.

I love it! I mean, shit, who knew it was that easy?! What wit, what originality! What insight! If only India and Pakistan could eliminate all sex before marriage, their conflicts would cease! We could have stopped the Cold War before it started! Apartheid? The Reformation? British Imperialism? Bah!

This week we’re working on persuasive papers and citations of scholarly sources. By the way, my topic is “Why Abstinence Only Sexual Education Is Harmful”. I think about half the class is wringing their hands in silent fury over that. We were supposed to post our outlines today. This one girl who has consistently been sort of like my secret, unspoken ally against the Jesus freaks chose the topic “Why Gay Marriage Should Be Legal”, which made my heart sing because it tells me at least one other person is like me in this class! I hope it makes Christ Packer guy uncomfortable. And then there is this other girl’s outline:

I. Thesis: I do not believe in or support Common Law marriage.

II. First reason that supports my position.
A. Marriage is a covenant that was designed to glorify God. The Bible speaks of marriage as a spiritual commitment that is just as binding as the covenant that God made with his peope. When God speaks of his relationship with his people, he speaks of the Husband and Wife relationship; Jeremiah 31;31-32.

I think this is (1) potentially an interesting topic and (2) completely invalidated by her reasoning. A persuasive argument needs to consist of more than “God says so!” Also, I do not feel that the Bible is a particularly good scholarly source, mostly for the same reasons that Wikipedia is not: it has been written and edited by a lot of people are all motivated by their own agenda. Actually, Wikipedia is probably a much better source because it has people who monitor articles for biased viewpoints.

Her outline makes me want to go and pick myself up a fancy new common law marriage next time I’m at Target!