ACCOUNTANT BY DAY

My boyfriend and I were watching VH1 Classic tonight and we saw a Pat Benetar video that was very popular in 1983. When it was time to turn on “Raines”, we paused it for a bathroom break. While he was in the bathroom, I filled the dog’s food bowl.

Instead of eating, the dog followed me back to the living room. “I guess Dog isn’t hungry,” I commented to my boyfriend, who had returned.

“DOG IS YOOUUUNGGG!” he responded without hesitation, seizing the dog and propping her upright. As I stared blankly, he moved the dog’s shoulders back and forth in a fairly respectable imitation of Pat Benetar’s dance in the video. When he released her, the dog looked up at him, wagging her tail uncertainly. “Good dog!” he said.

The saving grace with all of these psychologically confusing ordeals we put the dog through is that she is a true imbecile. With her tiny goldfish brain, she won’t have a clue later that she spent 60 seconds as Pat Benetar tonight.