ACCOUNTANT BY DAY

Yesterday I was in Target buying more tubs for my decluttering project, which is going well by the way, and I spotted THE SCOOBA and was so excited that I was almost starting to look around for someone to show it off to but then I remembered that the other shoppers probably saw it too and didn’t care enough to have me interrupt their shopping, plus I am not a Target employee. Anyway, the SCOOBA is a small robot that cleans hard floors, going in a systematic circuit of the room while sweeping up debris and particles, spreading a specially formulated floor wash and scrubbing as it goes, and then drying the floor. Unfortunately I will not be able to justify purchasing a SCOOBA for myself unless whatever accounting job I get lands more more money than I know what to do with. Hint: I am not expecting that to happen.

Anyway, I was thinking about it and I realized that I’m not really the kind of person who really needs a wedding, but I realized that the main point of a wedding, to many people, is not to allow their friends and family to see them start their new life together, but actually more to provide a logical occasion for lavish gift-giving. So if I ever get married I could register for the SCOOBA and absolutely nothing else, so guests would, like, legally be required to get it for me. The downside to this is that according to Miss Manners, it is a faux pas of the greatest magnitude to imply that you want gifts in any case because nobody is ever obligated to give you a gift for any reason than their own gumption. She is correct, which means I couldn’t in conscience do this. Also, it is just plain tacky.

But enough about that, the other bonus factor of the SCOOBA is that it is very cute, possibly cuter than the proverbial button, and shaped like one too. It cleans under cabinets, knows to sense and avoid stairs and rugs, and can get into places you can’t reach. It would probably walk the dog and do taxes for me too. Because SCOOBA is a robot genius.