ACCOUNTANT BY DAY

My boyfriend and I finally went to this Big Q barbecue on 34th street that I’ve seen and wanted to go to for a while now. We only did it because we were tired of everything else and Oklahoma Joe’s was literally packed out to the curb. The food at Big Q’s was very bland. It annoyed me because this place got good ratings on some Kansas City barbecue website or something, and it turned out to be totally mediocre. I kind of hate it when merit is improperly awarded. It’s like when you’re in junior high school and some jock scores a C on his social studies test and it’s a big deal and all kinds of people get excited about it and talk about how smart he is. And meanwhile the unpopular kids win spelling bees and science fairs right and left and nobody gives a crap. The tough thing about being junior high school age is that you’re too young to truly, fundamentally understand that this poor stupid kid needs all the glory he can get right now because there’s like a 72% chance he’ll be a has-been as soon as he graduates high school. And on a further unfortunate note, I think this frustrates a lot of kids so much that they develop this residual contempt for sports and outdoor activities that may stick with them for years, which is too bad because those things are often very good for you.

Actually this doesn’t equate well to my barbecue example at all, but I think I just related the story of many people who played a lot of D&D in high school and college. So we’ll treat it as an anonymous biopic.

My boyfriend’s roommate told me he’d heard on the radio about this girl who received some lottery tickets from her parents as a gift, and thought it was totally lame, and then ended up winning $30,000 from it. Apparently she used most of it to pay off debts for her boyfriend. Stupid! I would never do that. No offense to my boyfriend. I saw a program on the Discovery Channel the other night about ex-thieves breaking into homes to teach yuppies the cruel truth about home security. Some couple agreed to let this guy from the show break into their fancy house and steal all their stuff. Ha, ha! Then they got to watch on tape while he took everything. Afterward they got their belongings back and got a total home security makeover. The guys running the show were pretty awesome because they weren’t afraid to laugh at the people and make fun of their stupid home security misconceptions. I was getting pretty interested except I realized that these people were a successful newlywed couple who had all this expensive shit they’d gotten from Peru and Italy and India and places, just sitting around their home, whereas my roommate and I could probably pool all of our possessions together and come up with $1500 worth of shit. Plus we own nothing nice that is actually removable from the house. So although I think the show provided good tips, the concept of home security is evidently geared toward neighborhoods nicer than ours and toward demographics richer than ours. Oh, well. It was still fun to see these guys trash their house!