ACCOUNTANT BY DAY

Me: Good morning, [company]. [my name] speaking, how can I help you?
Guy: [in a weird playful flirty voice] What if I were a spider on the floor?
Me: [pause] Beg pardon, sir?
Guy: You know, what if I were a spider on the floor?
Me: Uh, if you were a spider on the floor?
Guy: Yeah.
Me: Er, well I suppose I’d squash you if that were the case.
Guy: You’d squash me? Why would you do that?
Me: Uh, well, what else would I do with a spider on the floor?
Guy: No, you know…what if I were a spider on the floor by your feet, what would I be doing?
Me: Ah…preparing to be squashed?
Guy: No, c’mon…you remember, you thought this was cute the other day! Whatsa matter?
Me: Nothing’s the matter really. Now, may I ask who is calling?
Guy: [giggles] Haha, that’s a good one!
Me: Sir, if you don’t have any questions pertaining to our business, I’m afraid I need to hang up.
Guy: [long pause] Wait, wait a second…who answered the phone?
Me: This is [my name] with [company], sir. We do payday loans and check-cashing.
Guy: [horrified voice] Oh my GOD, this isn’t SUSAN?!
Me: No sir.
Guy: Oh, my God. I am so sorry. [apologizes profusely, then hangs up]