ACCOUNTANT BY DAY

A woman came up to the counter with a tax refund check for $100 and passed it through to tray to me for cashing.

I said, “Checks like this are six percent of the face value to cash. Is that okay with you?”

Sure, she said. “Six percent isn’t much,” said the woman.

“Well, okay then,” I said. “Since you’ve never had a check cashed with us before, I’ll need you to fill out this quick form. Go ahead and pass me your ID and I’ll have a look at your check.”

The woman looked at me like being asked to fill out a new customer form for a $100 check was the most unreasonable thing she’d ever had to do in her life, but I was feeling unaccommodating at the time so I just gave her the form and disappeared into the back of the store. It took about the usual time to get everything sorted out with the check, and when I came back to cash it a few minutes later the woman was looking pissy and impatient.

I began to enter the woman’s information into the computer, ignoring her as she shifted her weight from one leg to the other, sighly loudly and dramatically, and otherwise indicated her impatience. Her behavior made me feel even less accommodating before, so I made no effort to hurry.

A few minutes later I counted out the money. “That was six dollars to cash, and your payout is ninety-four dollars.”

“Excuse me?” the woman demanded. “SIX DOLLARS?”

I stared at her.

“You told me it would be six percent!”

I stared at the woman. “Six dollars is six percent of one hundred dollars,” I said.

“No, it’s not!”

“Yes. Yes, it is.” If it the woman had been talking about percentages with regard to any other sum than one hundred dollars, I may have sympathized with her kind of inability to do the required mental math.

“You can’t charge me six dollars when you said it was six percent,” the woman repeated. “That’s illegal. I only have to pay six cents to cash it. That’s what six percent means.”

“Ma’am, percent refers to the expression per centum, meaning one hundred, meaning whatever number per one hundred. Six percent. Six per hundred. Six dollars.” I took a nearby calculator and showed the woman that six percent of one hundred is six. The woman screwed her face up into an ugly and displeased expression, apparently believing that I had somehow manipulated the calculator in order to support my obvious lie.

I passed the ninety-four dollars under the glass to the woman. “Have a good afternoon, ma’am,” I said.

“I’m never coming back here after being misled like this!” said the woman.

“A regrettable consequence,” I lied.