ACCOUNTANT BY DAY

No sign of the missing money today, although we did have our quarterly audit. It was kind of a sad start to the day, because we had to all bustle around the store pretending to be busy for several hours. Later I sat down and spent some time trying to read stupid bullshit for my psychology class. Nothing much really happened today in general, although I received a “Gift For Your New Baby!” in the mail, which mystified me about as much as the “Education For Baby” survey I got a few days ago. I’m not sure who the hell signed me up for all this baby stuff. I mean, it could have been our ex-roommate, but I kind of doubt it because even though she’s a dumbass, she knows what kind of things would be funny to have sent to someone anonymously, and this isn’t really funny. Just puzzling. Like, if I were going to send something free to someone’s address I’d make sure it was something embarrassing, like Beano or hemhorroid cream. For maximum embarrassment free samples of that product called Anusol could be pretty great, but I don’t know if they mail free samples or not. Anyway, the main point to remember with regard to embarrassing packages and envelopes is that they need to insinuate to everyone who sees them the recipient’s need for butthole products of some variety. So I doubt it was her.

I think I might start a campaign of having bizarre free samples of products sent to either my house or to the addresses of people I know. They can all be addressed to a fake, white trashy sounding name that I’ll make up. Maybe I’ll get something together on that soon.

Two Favorite Invented White Trash Names (I think they’re brothers)

Cooter McNabb
Pikey McNabb