ACCOUNTANT BY DAY

I dropped out of KU. For now I’m doing all right despite feeling kind of sentimental about it. What am I doing now, you wonder. Well, majoring in something more financially viable than Japanese, that’s what. I’m going to school at DeVry to become an accountant, so I can actually have a hope in hell of making some money someday. This is a big relief, to feel like I’m not so rudderless anymore. As if this considerable boon weren’t enough, a girl left from the payday loan place that my roommate works at, and my roommate got me a job in her place!

It may seem that I’ve had a disgusting amount of good fortune this month, but I think I had it coming to me given how miserable I’d been for much of the year, what with the cataclysmic falling out with our ex roommate and subsequent loss of half my supposed friends, my periodic employment, perpetual lack of funds, no car to drive, and other shit.

Anyway, here’s something interesting. Applicants to DeVry are required to take an admissions test, one portion of which is an essay. My essay topic given was, shortly put, “Should or should not students be required to maintain a minimum C grade average in order to participate in sports and extracurricular activities?” With relish, I crafted a wonderful essay saying essentially “hell yes”, structured primarily around my desire to use the words “master debater” at some point, which I successfully executed.

To my disappointment, after I submitted the essay I found out it was electronically scored for spelling, vocabulary usage, and utilization of complex grammatical structures. I asked the guy about it after he congratulated me on my good score, and he confirmed my suspicion that no human really ever reads the essays. “So I could have written my essay entirely on the abridged history of cheesecloth and been all right, as long as the mechanics and everything were OK?” I asked him. “Yep,” he said. I was awed, which helped slacken my disappointment in knowing that my crafty use of “master debater” would go forever unappreciated.