ACCOUNTANT BY DAY

Today at Target I managed to have a fairly embarrassing experience. What happened is, lately my roommate and I have been considering purchasing some of that foamy Veet leg hair dissolver stuff that they’ve been advertising lately on TV, and I was looking for some of it at Target. I ended up not being able to find it, but while I was there I noticed this gel aftershave stuff for women’s legs. It said it was for dry skin, and I happen to have dry skin so I thought, maybe I’ll buy that if it doesn’t smell weird or anything. It was called “Luscious Pear” so I couldn’t be sure.

Anyway, I opened up the Luscious Pear, and as I lifted the cap it just exploded and shot this load of opaque, whitish gel across my face. I looked around really quick, but nobody was around, so I put it back and tried to survey the damage. I couldn’t tell exactly how bad it all was, but I removed my glasses and realized that the situation was very urgent indeed, since it looked exactly like someone had, um, ejaculated all over my face. I managed to find a napkin and sort of surreptitiously clean up the accident, but for a minute there I was seriously worried that I might have to finish my shopping and leave the store while looking like the World Porno Queen 2003 or something. Anyway, I didn’t buy the Luscious Pear.